my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Sober January is a disaster.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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