i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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