You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
