So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize