my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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