Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
