o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
