You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize