Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
