New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
