I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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