guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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