I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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