After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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