Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
