holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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