she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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