I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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