you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's never too late to be topless.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
