it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
