porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
