I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize