you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
