ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
