Don't you send me to vm
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
