I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
