I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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