1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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