Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
FUCK WHALES
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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