Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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