i was born a porn star she said
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
