The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
