i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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