I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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