idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
