just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
