I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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