Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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