nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
