Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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