i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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