This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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