He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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