there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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