My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
