So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
