can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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