you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
