I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I am mentally ready for anal.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize