We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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