If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
