HIV tests are more positive than that guy
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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