I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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