they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
