I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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