wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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