i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
