He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
