508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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