he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
