I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
