you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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