so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
