When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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