He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
