to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
