I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
