i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
