guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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