One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she woke up with a sticky ear
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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