Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
