How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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