we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
