Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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