I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
