so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
