We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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