put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
