it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
