I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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