she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
