the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
