I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
