i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
