remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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