my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
