My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
