maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
