I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
