matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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