Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
