yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
