I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
