So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
