so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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