He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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