The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There r osticjed everywhere
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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