margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
