She announced her abortion via fbk
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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