so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
